The Map to my Soul, is Music

I love music. Mostly slow songs, the ones I get to hear the lyrics. Then it allows me to imagine what the artist was feeling when writing that beautiful music. Let me let you in on a secret, the greatest poets are song writers. Maybe you knew this before or you didn’t, or didn’t realise this before. That’s why I have much respect for those who make music, because they have found the genius way to speak to our souls.

I always think I should marry a musician. Then he can write me love songs expressing his love for me. If I could, I would sing my marriage vows. I’d just pick a song and have it played to him. My favourite so far is Dela’s Golden, have a listen:

And when we argue and don’t want to speak, I’d play him a song that explained what I felt…..

Damn! I daydream too much. But anyways, I love it when I’m just chillin in the house, listening to my music and then all of a sudden, a nice song that i never even knew I had, plays. And my heart swells, smile lengthens, eyes brighten, and I move my lazy ass from the couch to go to my iThing and find out who sang that song. Sometimes I google the lyrics so that I can know the whole story, which always leads me to a treasure of information about the artist, background, life (Wikipedia) and etc. Then I’m jolted back to my daydreams, and it’s a whole new cycle.

I won’t say I have a favourite song or musician, for me everyone has a story to tell and they are all different. I’m that kind of compulsive music listener. If I like a song I will over-play it until I know every sound in that music, complete with all instruments played and those ad-libs that one can only hear if they pay close attention. Sometimes I’m forced to like some music. Mostly it’s when my best friend keeps saying the song is nice, even though I won’t like it at first, I listen anyway, then give my opinion ( which has to be good. The things we do for our BFs).

One time I was singing along to some of the songs I had in my phone and found my sister laughing at me. And I was puzzled, and she was like ” *Pre7amer, I swear you listen to really weird music”. Case in example Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek

That’s me, I’m unpredictable when it comes to music. If it tells a story, I am listening. You would be surprised at the amount of Zilizopendwa music I know. This is as a result of my dad. He would carry this box of cassettes with him every time we had those long road trips and all we could listen to was Zilizopendwa. So while the rest of the ‘cool kids’ were jamming to those songs they play in New Jack Swing in carni, I was slowly falling in love with Maroon Commandoes, Super Mazembes, Daudi Kabaka et al.

This easy sunday afternoon, take your time to appreciate the words in a song. They will set you free ;). WORD!

*real name withheld for paranoia reasons.

White of Their Eyes

Frequent Flyer? Yes? No? Read This

So I joined the aviation circle a few months ago, ok almost a year now. I’m not a pilot, I wish, but I’m merely the ‘trolley-pusher’ as our lovely Nigerian customers call us. Personally I don’t mind the term, mainly because it hasn’t been used on me yet and also it’s funny, though a bit cruel. It’s an amazing job and I’m loving my life more because of the opportunities it has presented to me. Though I’m tempted to delve into the particulars of that last statement, I will desist. Today’s post is focused on other trivial matters.

This goes out to you, passengers. You are the source of my salary at the end of the month and also the source of my misery sometimes. Nonetheless, I go to work everyday, errr…more like every other day, with a smile on my face and try to keep it there for the next 12 hrs of flying with you depending on how long the flight is.

I will put this in point form so that it’s clear to you. There is no grey area, black and white babey. Though in form of laments, please bear with me…..and laugh too:

1. Cabin Crew is the right terminology. Thanks

2. You are the most dangerous things on the plane. If you’re not trying to kill yourselves, you are trying to kill us. E.g. When it’s bumpy and we ask you to sit down, SIT! If you see me strapping on my safety belt, that shit just got real. Throwing paper bags or pillows on the aisle conveniently when I’m passing by with the food cart will ensure that I trip, fall awkwardly, hurt myself badly or could even KILL me depending on where I land.

3. Chicken or beef. Chicken…..orrrrr beeeef. I did not say FISH. Read the menu

4. It is only common decency to greet someone when they greet you.

5. There are 400 people requesting things at the same time as you, and we are only 8 crew or less. Do the math. (this is applicable in economy class)

6. If you see crew carrying tea and she says she has tea, don’t ask her if it’s coffee.

7. When I ask you what you want to drink, remove your headphones instead of shouting to the whole aircraft that you want APPLE! APPLE NO ICE!

8. If you know your feet have the potency to knock out an army, leave your shoes on.

9. It’s a hot towel, just to clean your hands. Not to have a mini sponge bath. Yuck!

10. When you’re finished with your food, DO NOT try to make the leaning tower of Pisa on your tray, we have to fit that tray in a space of 5cm.

11. No- I do not want to go back to your country and be your wife you creepy old man.

12. I might have put my ass in the vicinity of your face for a few seconds, do not tip me, I am not your private dancer.

13. Your baby can walk and talk, they cannot fit in the INFANT baby bassinet. I promise you.

14. The big sign on the lavatory door says PUSH. Try to put your hands before you, make sure they touch the door, make a forward motion with your body and walaaa! Door opens.

15. If your bag is too heavy for you to lift, rest assured it will be also heavy for me. They train us on many things, weight lifting is not one of them.

16. Alcohol served on the plane is the same as those found in your local liquor store. No need to drink like there’s no tomorrow. We did not carry the last reserve. There’s more on ground.

17. The call bell is to be pressed only when you really need something. Making me walk from all the way from the back of the cabin to the front so that you can ask for water, while a tap of water lies right behind you is just outrightly sadistic.

18. You look Indian, you speak Indian, forgive me for asking you if you need a landing card. I didn’t know you were of British citizenship. Jeezus!

19. Oh, so someone sat on your seat. That’s ok. They probably didn’t know. I’ll just ask them to move. No I will not upgrade you to business class. Tough luck you conniving opportunist.

20. God forbid something wrong happens on air and we have to make an emergency landing, I am the one who is best placed to save your life, if I survive. Cuz that’s why we are there. Primarily and most importantly for your safety and security. Be nice 😉

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. It gives me joy to travel. It also teaches me a lot of virtues about life just from serving you on board. I enjoy every moment of it. And I’m happy to do it all the time. These are just but a few of observations I have made so far. Of course there are those hilarious moments on board some of which I will share one day.

If you do know the company I work for, kindly don’t mention it on your comments. I will not approve it. You know why. Otherwise travel, by air, it’s the safest mode of transport and also, your money will pay my wages, and then I’ll be able to buy all those expensive gifts that you send me. Hmmm….that is another subject to discuss. Later though.

Advice, like Youth, probably just wasted on the Young

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:
Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience, I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power of beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in twenty years, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine

Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the ‘funky chicken’ on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

Read directions even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few, you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasise that when you were young, Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you’ll have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one will run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

~ Mary Schmich~
June 1, 1997.